First Comes Love

Justin and I's song.... finally! 

Bucket List-

1.) Take a drive on the Confederation bridge- longest in the world, joins PEI to NS... daaaang! (12 kms!)
(2-100) will be filled in at later date :D

Procrastination

Well, here I am again(she says with a giant chunk of chocolate in her mouth on a friday night alone with the computer), doing what I do when I dont want to write an essay.

Can you believe Im in the midst of my third year of this already? (possible answers to follow)

A.) No, I cant believe it... thought you'd have dropped out by now
B.) After three years you'd think you'd have learned how to get to work!
C.) If your work was due yesterday, how the heck are you still an 'A' student?
D.) All of the above

I guess I'm still waiting for heaven to throw an atomic bomb my way and fail me or something. I put things off, claim its for a higher purpose, laze around when nobody is watching, feel like a failure...

and then sometime, somehow, I get it done, I get the A, I impress the prof... how the...?

I always attested it to heavens blessings. I was a single mom, trying very hard. When I wasn't trying hard its cause I was burnt out- cause Id been up with a puking baby, cause I was sick of fighting for my divorce, cause I was depressed that everyone else could play but I had to be a responsible mommy. Yes, its true, happy ol me was also not-so-happy sometimes. I just sat around and avoided papers and studying etc etc

Now I find myself married. I feel like every excuse I had has been flushed down the toilet. All I can say is the truth. I simply dont want to do my homework. Yeah, this essay was interesting, but that is soooo two weeks ago. I want to kiss my husband, I want to clean my house, I want to make this ruffled tree skirt, I want to unpack the boxes in the girls room...

I DO NOT WANT to figure out how to explain the connection between justice, reciprocity, and friendship according to Aristotle.

BUT... I have this incredible husband who wants me to do my best and so he has gone downstairs to ride his (stationary) bike for hours on end. He left me with the computer, and without a facebook password. So I sat on pinterest for at least an hour. I also practiced some uke. I stuffed more of this giant chocolate bar down my throat. Then I decided to blog

Sometimes when I blog I can figure out why the heck Im avoiding and denying and going insane with essay worry. Today, its not coming to me. Maybe because its not crunch time yet. I have an extension till Tuesday, and I have all day tomorrow without Nod. So, I can finish writing tmrw, and then have Hubby edit when he is home from work, then re-do things Monday. Plenty.of.time. Right?

Or maybe I have an excuse?
Maybe two years of school was enough for me and now I need to quit and be Mom?
Maybe Im worried that my kid brother (okay he is an adult by age but not by intelligence) is currently hitchhiking from BC to Alberta in the freezing cold?
Maybe I miss my college and being at school with my Mom and friends and I just.cant.cope.with.change?
Or... maybe Im just looking to feel justified in sitting around while my essay spills onto the floor.

literally 

Yeah. I couldnt figure things out the other day so I printed off all the notes id taken for the essay, cut them up, and arranged them on the floor by topic. Then I went thru and picked up pieces I wanted to use, put them in order on my computer, and pasted the cut up sections back together how I wanted them-ish. It worked till I got sick of working again. I got through 5 categories but still have justice and reciprocity left. Aristotle went all math-y on me during his reciprocity talk, so maybe I have good reason to avoid that. I could probably do the justice part though.

Maybe I shall. I can't tell if Hubby is at the end of the movie or not (he is watching Oscar while he rides so he can memorize the lines... watch it). Probably the last ten minutes. So Ive wasted the whole night. Sick. Well, maybe I can get a few more of those essay pieces off my floor before he gets showered and ready for bed.

Here
goes
nothing...

October Pictures of Nod :)

 She LOVES to get into the kiwi

 Poppy and I LOVE when she falls asleep in the car!

Poppy loves to make silly faces with her... this is the 'jelly belly' face

 I dont know the name for this one

Bathtub mohawk

and this one is from the wedding in July <3

By Request...

Helloo bloggers! I have returned to my blog by the request of a good friend. That's right, it didn't take much to get me back here. I've given up facebook, and marriage has obviously led to a change in my social life, so I really needed somewhere to connect. with. people. I know, I know, the internet is one laaaame sort of connection. Its better (as Im learning from artistotle) to be in close proximity with friends, but that isn't a luxury I have right now. I've got my husband, my baby, and my sisters. I don't spend much time with other people because I'm very focused on school and homemaking- both worthy goals in my opinion. However, it has left a gap in me, and I shall attempt to fill it by blogging. 

Speaking of blogging, my last post was a song I wrote, you should check it out... please? hah

So, Life, where am I? What to share? Well, Im married! Its the coolest most intense and rewarding experience! It has its benefits and sacrifices, but it is incredbile to notice how it differs from my marriage to DW. I have realised that I had a pretty bad attitude back then, as a wife, and I feel kind of sorry for that. It has taught me, though, how to have a good attitude now. Marriage isn't easy guys, no rose coloured glasses here, it is a challenge, but I am totally up for that! Trying to parent lil Nod is probably our biggest challenge (besides trying to connect with the teenagers). We come from different backgrounds and have been parenting in different ways, so we spend a lot of time trying to find our common ground. I've learned to just sit back and let he and Brosie carry on, and then give suggestions later when she is tucked in for the night. I've learned that when something bothers me, I need to evaluate why it does, write in my journal a bit, think of my blessings, read the scriptures, pray for guidance, and then share my discoveries openly with my amazing husband. 

And let me tell you, he is AMAZING! I have never been more loved (by a mortal hah)! He is always willing to discuss things, to see my point of view, to hold me while I cry, to try new things. Its just so cool! I love it when we face a problem and he asks if we can say a prayer about it, or if I want a blessing! What a stark contrast to what I faced before! Having someone on the same spiritual level in a marriage is a great blessing that I will not take for granted. I also love that he understands where I come from, he has been married too, he has experienced similar experiences and has empathy. I also love all the silly things (that sometimes I also do not love. hah)... like the way he keeps the house so clean all the time, the way he can outbake or outcook me any day, the way he corrects my grammar (which means he can also edit a paper... hoorah). And, well, what is better than snuggling up at night with the love of my life, the most handsome man Ive ever seen? Nothing really. We are an incredible match, and we often converse about how we wish everyone else could have the same happiness. Honestly, we even wish it for DW, because it is life-changing. Heavenly Father loves us, and we know it by the opportunity he has given us to be together. Reading this you may think we are just flighty honey-mooners, but let me tell you its quite the opposite. We go through more difficult challenges on a weekly basis than your average new couple does in a month- we have kids! But we plan on always being as lovey as we are now- no fighting, no mean voices, talking over everything, being understanding and of course, kissing after every prayer. This man is my hero, let me tell ya. My hero.

Now that Ive rambled on for long enough about that... what else does life mean for me now? Well the same old- school school school. Im drowning in work right now and it probably wont let up until Dec 6th. Which is affected by Nod being sick today, and family obligations, and meals to prepare, and grocery shopping to do, and suprise visits from people I just cant turn away (SIL from Australia!!)... and of course by the fact that I decided to blog today instead of write my essay, so thats almost an hour I could have used haha... but Ive got about 1.5 hrs before class starts again, so Im back to it!

XO
Wink

Love Will Find YOu Out (song- take 2!)

Enjoy! Share! Comment! :)

A Song!!

Lets see if this even works!!

My Journey

The step-girls have been here for almost two weeks now, and they seem to be warming up. Im not going to lie, when they got here I got cold feet! Seeing them in person was a lot different than talking about them and I wondered if I could (or even wanted to) take this challenge on. 

I began to doubt everything, all the impressions I'd received, my feelings for Pete, and his person (because we both act a little differently with the girls around). I really dove into my scriptures and begged the Lord to give me further acknowledgment. Saturday night I began a fast for just that. On Sunday morning I told the Lord precisely what my concerns were, what I felt uneasy about. Without prior knowledge of my prayer (however knowing I had cold feet) Pete brought up most of my concerns throughout the day. At that moment I felt that he had been inspired to answer my prayer, and I became a lot more positive because he was able to quell my fears. We had been talking about this for days, and each day I felt more confident that I making a good choice, during each conversation I felt a spirit of peace. I took Monday 'off', I just needed to regroup and make sure I could still feel peace without Pete around. I asked my institute teacher for some doctrinal answers regarding marriage. He directed me to some great resources and we had a wonderful discussion. I learned that Heavenly Father leaves us to make our own choices within the guidelines of commandments. We are supposed to make a decision, and then go to him for confirmation. I learned that in my situation I will not be punished for marrying him cause he isnt the 'wrong' guy for me, and I also will not be punished for not marrying him because he isnt the only 'right' guy. Heavenly Father has made it clear to me what the benefits and sacrifices of marriage are. There are some general guidelines for the kind of person to marry (reliable, diligent, spiritual etc), and beyond that we get to choose. I have chosen someone who I can communicate openly and honestly with. I have chosen someone who is humble enough to turn to the Lord for answers, humble enough to accept correction well. I have chosen someone who is a magnificent father, even to teenagers who disrespect him, and even to a toddler who isnt his. I have chosen someone who loves me deeply, respects me, and treats me as a daughter of God. I have chosen someone whom I love deeply, whom I want to have for time and all eternity. So, I read some things, then I told the Lord my plan. I told the Lord why I want to marry Pete, and asked for His divine approval. It came. A sweet calming assurance, and a burning in my heart. I have come to love those teenagers, and I am willing and ready to become their stepmother/friend. If anxty teens is the worse Pete and I will ever deal with then we are set! Hah. I feel so confident knowing that it is my choice, and that the Lord approves! I made a good choice, a wonderful choice! Anyways, on Tuesday I continued to feel a growing surge of confidence. Pete's sister came down with my wedding dress and I was so elated to realize that I will be marrying him so soon in such a beautiful gown! Then on Wednesday I went to the temple. While there I was overwhelmed with feeling. It was the same strong feeling I have experienced on many occasions since meeting Pete. The same feeling I had during our important late night discussions, the same feeling as when he told me he loved me, the same feeling I had when I fasted about marrying him (twice), the same feeling I had when he proposed, and the same feeling I had when we attended the temple together. I couldnt stop beaming. I knew we would be married in that very temple very soon. I prayed while I was there for our sealing approval to come in the mail. Up until then I had been praying that it wouldnt come because I was unsure. Now here is the miracle... I only started praying for those papers on Tuesday, and then Wednesday at the temple, and then that night I realised that if I really wanted them to come I should mention in in *every* prayer. So I prayed over dinner that we would have the letter very soon (even though I had been told it would be another month). I felt very confident that because I had my answer, the Lord could verify the answer and send the papers sooner. I had told my Mother and my best friend Dare that only days before... and ... then... Gramma called and asked Pete to check the mail, I was on my way out and we decided to go together. He reached in the first box, turned to look at me with this HUGE grin on his face. I told him to stop teasing me. While he checked the other box I convinced myself that he was pulling my leg. He came back into the car and there it was! I picked up the beautiful envelope (I'm not exagerating, It wasnt white, or brown, but this beautiful and regal looking beige) from Salt Lake City and squealed!! He took the envelope and carefully opened the side, took out an equally beautiful paper. He scanned it quickly for a confirmation, then turned and asked "Elizabeth Thompson, Will you Marry me July 7th?" I said "yes! yes!", kissed him, and took a turn to look at the letter. We cried as we read it, then said a prayer of thanks, showed Brosie (in the back seat) what all the commotion was for, and admired the signatures of Presidents Thomas S Monson, Dieter F uchtdorf, and Henry B Eyring. I need no further confirmation. I know, Pete knows, The presidency of the church know, and our Father in Heaven knows that this eternal marriage will be the most wonderful and best event of our lives. This union is sanctioned by God. And, equally importantly I believe, it is sanctioned by us. This morning Pete called to book the temple and then texted me saying "Will you marry me at 10am on July 7th?". So, one month from today we will make this decision an eternal one and seal our lives and souls together forever. The only other day I look forward to as much as this is when Nod can join us in the temple also (waiting on permission from D). 

You may wonder why I went into so much personal detail about my doubts, but I want to help teach others through my experiences. I also want you all to see the wonderful timing, the miracle! The Lord knew exactly when we needed to receive that letter. He is so good to us. Never forget that, because he is just as good to you. Prayer is defined as the method in which we ascertain blessings Heavenly Father is already willing to give us but that are dependent upon our asking for them.I love prayer.

Youre ALL invited to out luncheon and/or Open House. Invite will be posted later. 

XO

Wink

Post Mothers day- A Celine Dione type Tribute to the woman who didnt kill me

For all those times you tucked me in,
 for all those kisses on my lips,
for all the pain in birthing me
for all the stretch marks that you see
For every dream you made come true
and the ways I repaid you
I'll be forever shamed my mother
youre the one who held me up
until I chose to fall
youre the one who saw me through
through it all

You were my  target when you were weak
when I was mad i would refuse to speak
I rolled my eyes when you  talked to me
stole the icecream when you couldnt see
shuddered at your arm when your hug reached
and piled my dishes in your sink
I ever will be shamed
but you still loved me


You gave me wings so I could fly
Now Ive got some teens, make me wanna cry
when I lose faith
I just remember me
and know no star is out of reach
you could deal with me, hormones and all
Maybe I can stepmom after all
Im grateful for each glare they give me
maybe I dont know that much, but I know this much is true
I deserve anxsty teens
for what I did to you


You were my  target, I thought you weak
sometimes I yelled or just refused to speak
I rolled my eyes when you  talked to me
stole out at night when you couldnt see
Ticked you off during every speech
and talked about you like you wouldnt believe
I really do deserve
the teens in that backseat

Settled

Like the pulp in the bottom of a delicious glass of orange juice, Brosie and I are settled ;)
The boxes Pete brought are mostly unpacked (though the cupboards could use organizing), the computer is *finally* set up, Brosie is sleeping better, Im making dinner like I have have before, the house is always nice and clean, and school... well, thats alright. Ive made one friend, and I already know one other person, so Im okay. We have a good youtube going and Im happy to be here. mostly. I Miss my young women, thats for hecka sure! Im nervous for the Girls to get here this weekend (The step-daughters to be). Im also excited! Imagine if they end up being like Kayzia and Zoie and Amanda and and and!!! Oh man, make.my.life. But what if they are more like cinderella's evil stepsisters? What if they think Im evil? Oh Boy. Good thing I really love this man. Anyways, must run, its late... this grammar is terrible I might add.

Love!
Wink

Wedding?

So. Precursor for those who wont necessarily understand the logistics. Pete and I have chosen to be married in the Cardston Temple in a special ceremony that seals our family together for time and all eternity. We are very excited about this, and honestly its the greatest part about the whole wedding day. Sometimes I joke and say all I need is Pete and a dress, both of which I have. Ive still been making reception plans, booked a photographer and videographer, looked at flowers and cakes and bridesmaids dresses... luckily the only thing Ive put money towards is rings and my dress, because the date we had planned is July 7th... two months from today. BUT--Yesterday, Pete met with the stake president about arrangements for the sealing, and because we have a special situation (having been married before) we need special approval and its actually going to take another two months to get it. Which is okay, I dont mind if we get married July 7th or 15th or 29th, Im just glad we are getting married! on the other hand.... I really do want a reception, but from the looks of it, we will be planning that *last* minute... if at all. Likely we will just get married and send out an invitation later to an open house or something... so, Im just a bit sad about it... sad we took engagement pics that wont be sent out on invitations, sad I bought a very expensive dress that only Pete and I and our families will see (likely we wont be able to book a photographer last minute so Im pretty bummed about that)... and of course Im sad that my very very bestest friend already booked her ticket (at my request!! EEP!)...

so, this is the official announcement that we have no wedding date... but will get married eventually... haha
and getting married in the temple is worth it all :D

Especially to Pete :)

TO GIVE AWAY

Exhaustion has been seeping into the pours of my body since February, and now Im overcome! Too many late nights, too many middle-of-the-night wake ups with Nod, too many early mornings, too many white hot chocolates from timmies ;)
Buuuuuuut, I must go on. Write a 7 page paper, prepare for the move, prepare for the summer, write a 5 page critique, study for exams, scrape more dried cereal off the floor... and because I have *so* much to do, there is no complete update today, just some things to get rid of!

The following is a list of thing I have to GIVE AWAY before I move (cause Im moving into a fully furnished place)

• High chair, baby bath tub, probably some toys too 
• table, one chair, some dishes, some appliances (toaster, toaster oven, blender and possibly more)
• nightstand, dresser (both could use fixing up, I got them with the intent of painting them some awesome colour but never did)
• Queen size mattress and box spring
• likely a couch and a love seat (but I might put them into storage for later)
• this brown shelf thats supposed to be a stero shelf but I use it for extra counter space and cupboard space
• a large bookshelf
• a nice TV I'd like to sell (for about $200)

if you want anything, FB me

aaaaaaand... thats all I can think of. Better go back to writing my essay... I wish school was over all ready, or at least essays and projects... but I only have one more week of this stuff, then about a week for exams, then A BREAK! Three weeks of packing, planning, and dejunking... wooot! Doesnt that sound like fun? Well compared to essays it sure as HECK is!!

Love Y'all

xo

Wink

SCHOOOOOOL?!!?

I can't remember another time like this, but I'm sure that's simply because I have no talent for details. I cannot remember a time where everything in life was wonderful, yet I still held myself back from my full potential. Sometimes I do get bummed out when faced with difficulty, for instance when I was adjusting to life as a single Mom I would freak out sometimes, feel stretched too thin, and give up for a few days. Wondering what I mean by give up? I mean, look at the dishes, know I have time to do the dishes, and simply chose to turn on a movie instead. Now, I'm not talking about taking a break, I'm talking about a time when it's not like I *need* a break because I've been working hard, but when I tale a break from things I shouldnt take a breal from because... well I'm not sure exactly why... but I'll figure it out by the end of this post. Im pretty good at writing myself out of situations and feelings, so here goes...
My life is going splendidly. I am totally in love with my beautiful daughter and she is well behaved and smart, I have fabulous grades in all my classes, my house is fairly clean and put together, I am financially secure with even a bit of wiggle room, I am surrounded by loving friends and family and a beautiful ward family, the weather is great, and I am dating the most incredible man I have met! So why am I writing this post?
Well, let me tell you what's eating at me... school. I have amazing grades, I have never done so well in school before. The fall term went so well that I decided to take on an extra course. Now I've realised that fall only went so well because I had little to do in those courses, what I mean is, I had two papers and two exams that whole semester, and weekly poems... that's it! The extent of my workload. Now I have three papers (two of which are expected to be significantly longer than anything I've written thus far), many major assignments in my compsci class (fairly easy, but they take time away from my important classes and projects), four exams, weekly essays, and a major group essay (extra time consuming as I have to arrange my schedule to accommodate others). I know, all you students are thinking this is pretty typical, and on the light side... but not for me! I get extra stressed about every assignment because I have this addiction to A's. Seriously. I have straight A's and IM NOT GIVING THEM UP! Except, I am... because I have a major paper due Friday and Im so stressed about it that Im doing nothing! I ate some unhealthy food (just to make myself down) and tried to work but Nod was busy crying herself to sleep so I watched a movie cause I couldn't focus during her tears. Now what do I do? I dont want to open up that darn book. I dont want to feel more overwhelmed by opening it up.
Sometimes I wish I had a mother around my house, someone to tell me I have to do my homework... but I am the Mom here! Sheesh... If I'm old enough to be seriously dating someone, I've got to be responsible enough to do my freaking homework, right?
So why did I start this post the way I did? Because I still don't remember a time when everything was great and I still avoided the important stuff. Honestly, I should thrive during the good times right? hah... well I guess there has been a lot of change this semester, and adapting isn't ever easy... so here goes... Im going to take a deep breath, open up my word doc, and my book, think of something beautiful, and get to WORK!

LOVE YOU ALL (and an additional sprinkling of love and well wishes to my Bestie, Dee... and to Jare, cause Ive been terrible at writing... and to Peru who I wish I was closer to... and to my family for their awesome support, and to Nod for stealing Vin's keys the other night which resulted in awesomeness, and to Vin. Yup.*sigh* <3)

All the JUICY details

Ok, so its not that juicy, 'its' not even anything... I may be working this up to be a big deal, but its not. What Im trying to say is, Im not in some steady relationship or anything... I just feel like I could be... my life is progressing! Wahoo!

So, I go to church one day, and end up sitting with the very handsome and single Vin Deisel look-alike (or so Ive been told). I was astounded when he not only sang every hymn, but in harmony! I was enthralled watching him dote on my two-year-old... and I thought, is this guy single yet? (up until then I had been under the impression he was dating someone seriously)...

Unsure how to found out the answer to my question, life went on and a few weeks later he sang in Church. I distinctly remember making a mental note to find out if he was dating someone or not. Yes, Im that creepy ;) I passed him in the hall and told him how much I liked the song... specifically because I figured that he didnt know who I was, and maybe that would encourage him to find out :P

Also, around that time, he got called to be the Young Men's President (the leader of the male youth in our church, ages 12-18), and for those of who you dont know, I work with the Young Women (but I work mainly with the 14 and 15 year olds).

So, at my next play date I asked my good friend A about Vin (they are cousins), I said "is he still dating that girl", in the most innocent uninterested voice possible... but she totally caught on "WHY!?! are you interested?"
Blushing followed, and A talked to him about me. Luckily he is the kind of guy who wants to do things himself, so there was no set-up, but we did start talking to each other at church and playing basketball together with the youth... and one day, he asked for my number...

************EEK.*******

You should have been there, *happy dance* almost immediately we began chatting on text messages, and he asked me on a date only a few days later (obviously not via text, he is too cool for that :P)

I was excited, in a giddy girly 17year old way... but I never imagined it would go so well...

we have a LOT in common... We always had something to talk about, we were flirty and fun and on the same page, AND... we read my textbook together. Yup.  ^_^

Analyzing a paragraph about multiculturalism in Canada put our date over the top, better than any thus far. It was a spiritual night, a fun light, a workout (skating), and an uplifting night. I know we will go again, though he hasnt asked yet... it was just THAT good.

Now, Im not saying Im going to marry the guy, Im just saying, heck, there is someone I dont immediately want to say no to, someone who immediately I find more attractive (in a myriad of ways) than anyone before him. Someone mature, responsible, fun, educated, spiritual, talented, active, determined, handsome, and who... is... pursuing... me! Can you believe it? (and that will keep happening as long as he doesnt join the blogesphere and see how over the top crazy excited I am about one single solitary date!)

So, the end... only really, its the beginning... cause even if this goes nowhere, I finally know Im ready. My house has been clean lately, my marks have been good, my life is finally settled enough to take on another life, to include another person, and Im oh-so-excited about the possibilities :D

Oh and one great thing about it, everyone knows him. He plays a big role in my ward and not a single person has 'warned' me about him, its quite the opposite. As soon as I tell someone, they jump from the idea of a first date to marriage... haha... like the Stake President who said "[Vin] would make a GREAT father"... yup that's right, seal of approval. :P

A little context before 'The Juice'

Friends! Family! Random Internet-sapiens :) Let me give you the not so juicey detailio's on my 'love' (?) life...
Just cause, well, I want to... and  blog post is much easier than sending individual emails to each person who asked :P

For those of you who didnt ask, Umm, I'll get a cool poem or something up soon to keep you entertained :P
Whoa, overloaded on emoticons yet? Just you wait... I'll see if I can hold em back...(*sticks tongue out at computer as to avoid another*)

I'm going to take y'all on a journey back to the beginning... not of all time, but of Divorce time...

I've only come close to dating a few guys thus far, and I think each of those instances have helped shape what is happening now, so I want to overview all of that for context.... (and really because I want you to all be oh so proud of me and the journey I have made... cause guys, I think I might have grown up ;)

Once upon a time, a longish time ago in the last couple years there was a guy I fell totally in love with, and I referred to him (on here) as Kingsley. Yes, that one. Its been a while since I've explicitly stated anything about him, but now I've moved on enough to share a little. He really set a bar for me. Getting to know him is still one of the highlights of my life. It was at a time in my life when I could have chosen to be depressed and low, but I decided to strive to become better instead, and I attribute this partially to him. He is mature, responsible, funny, respectful, sweet, talented, active, dedicated... so I wanted to be like him... and well, then it ended. It was a rough end for me, I had a lot invested and my heart hurt so bad... but during the year of our friendship I had come to know the Savior and have real faith in my Father's plan, so I held strong. The lasting impression from Kingsley is pertinent to my story because of the standards he set. For the next 7 months I refused to settle for anything less. I met plenty of interested guys, but knew immediately who would not live up to the new standards. I went on some first dates, but second dates were almost unheard of. I'm not trying to put down any of those awesome guys, but because of Kings I realised some essentials for making a marriage work, and knew not to settle for different. Eventually I realised it wasn't Kings I was trying to be like, it was the Savior, and Kings simply has many Christ-like qualities.

I didn't really get 'excited' about another guy until November (so, almost 6 months after my last date with Kings). This time was very good for me, healing. I got very interested in my school work, aimed for top grades, and built closer relationships with my family and my Savior. Then I went on a date with a guy I've referred to as H. My date with Guy H was so much fun! He is personable, charitable, understanding, sweet, funny, and fun. I found that he was another person I looked up to because of his Christ-like qualities. I only went on two dates with him (he lives far away), but those dates taught me that there was life after Kings. Haha. They taught me that it was okay to start dating again, and as I came to feel that I also began to feel a responsibility to date again. I felt like Nod needed me to work harder on myself and be ready for marriage. So, I buckled down and prepared even more for exams. I stopped 'hanging out' and wasting time, I prayed for focus.

At this point I believe some good friendships should be mentioned. I have had the opportunity to become wonderful friends with a few people who I consider my best friends. Over Christmas I spent time with best friends, and with family, and with Nod, and I found my focus. I decided to stop going to Institute, and stop playing around. I came to know that the Lord wants me to be Nod's mom, this is my eternal mission. I came to see that I am her mom whether she is sleeping or awake, and I need to expend every effort to be all I can be for her. I became more heavily involved in my church youth group, and I made decisions about schooling.  My family and friends were a huge help. They supported me as I pulled back from YSA, they went with me on temple trips, and service trips, and listened to my self-discoveries.

Then I got 'set up' on a sort of 'internet date' with a guy from BC somewhere near the end of December.  I was very excited at first because we really hit it off right away. However, it wasn't long before I felt uneasy. I knew I was supposed to move to south, not west, so it logically did not make sense to build up this relationship. I had the awesome opportunity to take these questions to the temple with me, and as I did service there I felt prompted in the steps to take. I took an evaluation of my life, and I saw plenty of areas that I felt needed work before I could have a steady relationship. I wanted to be proficient at my own life before adding another life into the mix. That 'thing' ended quickly. It was a bit of a rush, starting and ending very quickly, but I learned so much. Another thing I learned is that I truly was able to date again, I wasn't just pretending to be over Kings, but I actually had moved on from him... though he still was the torch and nobody could hold a candle to him ;)

So I went about in life, writing midterms, attending the temple, sorting blocks with Nod, writing poetry, going to youth activities with my young women... Until... Duh Duh Duh... I opened my eyes and saw what was right there, all along... Holy Cow- a single guy in my own ward? WHAT!?!

... To be continued... ;)

Untitled

In an attempt to make beauty
(or make beautiful poetry)
I begin to calm

I press California reds with Florida yellow
and sooth my wanting lips with a lemonade pucker

My strawberry fingers will not wash
they occupy my six string
to relax my wandering hands

But without my want,
and my wander and my worry
My words do not paint bright

All I can say is that your face
which did not touch mine
and your hands
which did not hold mine
asked me for a poem
I cannot write
for I am calm
and bright as a sun-dog today

Pox at 1 O'clock

Pox at 1 O'clock

scream scream

sound asleep

polka spot       polka dot

popcorn,

poc

poc

poc, tock

tock tick tock

multiplied by time by

itch scratch poke poke press

dress

redress wounds

undress

bath bath

"Si-hee Mawma, oh-me-awl baff"

    laugh

hysterically 1 am

soothe

warmth

towel

diaper

tears, bribery, pb&j,
lick lick lick, jam hands,

raspberry seeds, strawberry tummy,

so many spots, dots, dotting

doting mamma, kisses and hugs

              snugabugs

soother cuppy

tucky-iny

lights out, doors closed, finally in, climbing in, single queen, covers up, eyes closed,

repeat.

Soliloquy of a Single Mother

Soliloquy of a Single Mother

I am single, so I’m not qualified to raise you. But I do:

I mix dry ingredients with wet,

• 1C White Rice Flour
• 1t Apple Cider Vinegar

Then I forget the egg whites, distracted by a phone call from the Pediatric Dentist
who needs your Alberta Child Health Benefit Plan number
that I actually haven’t renewed.
Perhaps the waste can needs a Gluten-free diet like you.

I also bring home the Bacon,
via my paper on Francis Bacon and Thomas Hobbes,
via Scholarships and Student loans,
via paperwork and phone-calls Monday morning at 10
instead of teaching you to sort your blocks by colour.
Perhaps the blocks would be offended if we distinguished them by colour anyways,
they are all the same on the inside, like me and you.

I also dress you in your Sunday best and bring you to Church
where you scream for Grandpa during sacrament, spill pink juice on your lace dress,
and later (at home)  your slippery tights cause a head-on collision with the laminate flooring. Perhaps the tooth-fairy was unemployed during the recession, like many others.

I also leave you one night a week,
practically unattended so I can catch a night class
under the pretense that my 14 year old brother could handle an emergency
better than he can handle a dirty diaper,
hoping one night raised on Handy Manny and Tracteur Tom will not deprive you of creativity
or rob you of bonding
hoping I can still wake up with you at midnight
if you chance leg cramps or nightmares or thunderstorms
so when the lights are out and I trip across the folded laundry on my way to your room I can still appreciate the stars that shine on only our street, and the beautiful face that longs for only mine, and the second and third hug before feeling my way back to a single bed I hope to fill.
At least I may teach you to hope.

Not wounded sir, but dead!

 Our battle with the pox began Sunday... they got much worse after this! Poor girl :(

 Some of the fun times we had staying home together... I like how the hand print on my jeans was so perfect... even though it was gross and sticky!

    Nylon head

 this was totally her idea!

 After the broken tooth my friends cheered me up by helping me make my fave Pntbtr No bakes!! 

Doesn't he look happening in my cutsie apron... but the pic turned out so blurry (couldnt post it on FB cause he looks better than I do... something must be wrong with the camera ;)

 I tried to get a good shot of the broken tooth, but she wasnt interested

Wink certainly kept that Sabbath good and 'Hole-y" haha

It's late so I'll make this brief...

I have learned so much this month! Patience, endurance, change... more change. How to break bad news, how to not break bad news... How to break bad news to yourself. Hah. We battled Chicken Pox and Polisci class, 'Prison' breaks and inter-Provincial dating ;) The main lesson I took from it all.........

Be the you that you love in other people.

Become the person you would marry.

Attempting to become such a person has led me to make simple changes in my life that have brought the Spirit into my home. I started by praying about a dating scenario, and the domino effect led me to a series of blessings. I followed one simple answer that made little sense at the time, and ended up with blessings in plenty of (semmingly) unrelated areas: my summer housing lined up, my messy house became easy to clean, school became more interesting, and I had an increased desire for righteousness.

All we need do is follow the Lord, do our best, and everything works the way it should. Even difficulties serve amazing purposes.

Oh, and I almost spelled purposes "perposes"... time for bed.

LOVE!
Wink ;)

Parenthood:

Defined as the state of being a parent, but also a really great TV show I'm getting hooked on. The only problem is at the end of each episode, when I get emotional. You see, I really don't like getting hooked on things, books, TV series, chocolate. I like to feel in control of my routine and my life, but TV shows and facebook can totally get the better of me. I know I can put down the remote (well actually the laptop) and go back to real life, but the problem right now is my lack of real life. I haven't had classes over the break, I haven't spent a lot of time with friends, and my family has all gone back home. Nod and I have a good time during the day. We make trains, gluten free dishes, and big messes. Its fun, and its my life, but after 7pm I go crazy. So I started watching Parenthood. Is it possible that such a seemingly harmless TV show could be something really bad? I think it could be. It totally portrays everything that I want in life, so I could watch episode after episode and not think about my own life. I can totally put myself in a different world. That is *terrible*!!! I want to live my own life, not covet something fake on TV! How did they know I would want all those things? To be a lawyer, to see my sister adopt, to go on a successful date, actually scratch that-- to be married! The one couple gets in fights sometimes and then they resolve their problems like you wouldnt believe! Its great, its what I want. I want to be spending my evening telling my husband to stop working on a work project and come to bed. I want to stay home with my husband for New Years instead of going out with a bunch of kids I wont really know 10 years from now. Im starting to really dislike this in between phase again. I totally believe in finding the good in everything, the purpose in everything... but tonight I guess Im looking at what I dont have. Im pining for the future. So lets stop that. What is good about today? I dont even know... how is it good that I cant spend my evening with the people I want to? HOW!? Well- I guess maybe I will appreciate them once they get here. By them I mean a future family. Also I get the opportunity to try new things. I could spend my Sunday evening learning French or baking bread, but in the future I might be tied down to someone else's schedule... right? Right? Please tell me there is a reason to this point in my life!? There is a reason I don't find any of my dates attractive or interesting, and that I would rather watch a stupid TV show then bake some bread... OH YA- I got it... the purpose for everything. *rolls eyes as I realise how I should have caught on to this earlier in my cathartic post*... Its to overcome the natural man. Its natural to want to veg on the couch and watch TV, and justify episode after episode... but it takes self-control to go to bed early, or do something less appealing (because it seems more lonesome),,, and maybe it wont be so lonesome after I start? Maybe Putting the clean dishes away and starting a project will inspire me, and motivate me, and give me something else to focus on. Well, all I can say is Im glad I have this silly blog. I really enjoy just writing my thoughts out. Talking myself out of or into things. I need this time alone right now, I need to grow up or I will never be ready for that family Im waiting for. That second baby. That really really ridiculously great husband, who will take me ice fishing, and talk politics, and teach Nod to tie her shoe. Its going to happen guys, whatever you are waiting for, whatever you need more hope in. 2012 is a new year, and 2013 will be another. We have time to grow into ourselves and learn from our mistakes. Too bad my divorce mistake was 10 years in the making, so Ive probably got a few more years till I can totally clean up the stupid dating theories Ive held onto since I was 12 and start again... ok thats not true, Ive already started again, I mean, I know my theories are wrong at least, and Ive got the guidance of a loving Father in Heaven so I can do everything better this time. Which means not pressing play on a third episode of Parenthood tonight (the Sabbath!!), but doing something spiritual and heading to bed. I can do that, right? Its so easy to justify one more episode, but I know myself. I know that I need to stop justifying *anything* because when its something huge, something I REALLY shouldnt do, Ive got to have the habit of saying no to myself. This is the first step. Goodnight blogging world.