Well, here I am again(she says with a giant chunk of chocolate in her mouth on a friday night alone with the computer), doing what I do when I dont want to write an essay.
Can you believe Im in the midst of my third year of this already? (possible answers to follow)
A.) No, I cant believe it... thought you'd have dropped out by now
B.) After three years you'd think you'd have learned how to get to work!
C.) If your work was due yesterday, how the heck are you still an 'A' student?
D.) All of the above
I guess I'm still waiting for heaven to throw an atomic bomb my way and fail me or something. I put things off, claim its for a higher purpose, laze around when nobody is watching, feel like a failure...
and then sometime, somehow, I get it done, I get the A, I impress the prof... how the...?
I always attested it to heavens blessings. I was a single mom, trying very hard. When I wasn't trying hard its cause I was burnt out- cause Id been up with a puking baby, cause I was sick of fighting for my divorce, cause I was depressed that everyone else could play but I had to be a responsible mommy. Yes, its true, happy ol me was also not-so-happy sometimes. I just sat around and avoided papers and studying etc etc
Now I find myself married. I feel like every excuse I had has been flushed down the toilet. All I can say is the truth. I simply dont want to do my homework. Yeah, this essay was interesting, but that is soooo two weeks ago. I want to kiss my husband, I want to clean my house, I want to make this ruffled tree skirt, I want to unpack the boxes in the girls room...
I DO NOT WANT to figure out how to explain the connection between justice, reciprocity, and friendship according to Aristotle.
BUT... I have this incredible husband who wants me to do my best and so he has gone downstairs to ride his (stationary) bike for hours on end. He left me with the computer, and without a facebook password. So I sat on pinterest for at least an hour. I also practiced some uke. I stuffed more of this giant chocolate bar down my throat. Then I decided to blog
Sometimes when I blog I can figure out why the heck Im avoiding and denying and going insane with essay worry. Today, its not coming to me. Maybe because its not crunch time yet. I have an extension till Tuesday, and I have all day tomorrow without Nod. So, I can finish writing tmrw, and then have Hubby edit when he is home from work, then re-do things Monday. Plenty.of.time. Right?
Or maybe I have an excuse?
Maybe two years of school was enough for me and now I need to quit and be Mom?
Maybe Im worried that my kid brother (okay he is an adult by age but not by intelligence) is currently hitchhiking from BC to Alberta in the freezing cold?
Maybe I miss my college and being at school with my Mom and friends and I just.cant.cope.with.change?
Or... maybe Im just looking to feel justified in sitting around while my essay spills onto the floor.
Yeah. I couldnt figure things out the other day so I printed off all the notes id taken for the essay, cut them up, and arranged them on the floor by topic. Then I went thru and picked up pieces I wanted to use, put them in order on my computer, and pasted the cut up sections back together how I wanted them-ish. It worked till I got sick of working again. I got through 5 categories but still have justice and reciprocity left. Aristotle went all math-y on me during his reciprocity talk, so maybe I have good reason to avoid that. I could probably do the justice part though.
Maybe I shall. I can't tell if Hubby is at the end of the movie or not (he is watching Oscar while he rides so he can memorize the lines... watch it). Probably the last ten minutes. So Ive wasted the whole night. Sick. Well, maybe I can get a few more of those essay pieces off my floor before he gets showered and ready for bed.