Our family

Our family

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Found this old poem. Its probably one of my favorite five Ive written. Maybe the best. Its too bad that its about an ex because Its just so dang good. I currently love that part that makes it sound like Im jealous of the Tshirt he will keep around, even tho he wont keep me around. I dont care to be with that person anymore, but the poem is just so well written I have to post it.

When “We can't see each other anymore” AshleyElizabeth
go ahead, blindfold me.

I still see you,
thinking on half a piece of Sweet Peppermint gum,


like steel strings,
caressed by your calloused fingers--
fingers that pick locks, find baby her pacifier,
dip into freshly grated cheese
swatted away


like the ruffle of your feathered hair,
stirring jet strands and disclosing two white secrets-
another age within.
snowy owl, nervous


like the stir of your spoon
in a steaming midnight Ovaltine
dressed in ball shorts and an old white tee
the worlds greatest Gramma mug in one hand,
and in the other,

not me
not the puzzle of my fingers fitting yours
nor the question of whether my eyes are blue-green or green-blue
nothing to provoke emotion
or confuse.

Go ahead, caress the six string, kiss the Ovaltine, and lie
with the old white tee you'll keep
forever, and ever, and ever.
while my fingers trace your nothing
on the bed, and my tongue tastes absence
before the Sweet Peppermint even hits
my lips.

Close my eyes,
and when “we can't see each other anymore”

I am still the expert on you.

A couple months ago I read through some of my old posts and I was totally inspired to start writing again, but its been hard. Im pretty much always holding our newest babe (A BOOOOOY!) or cooking, cleaning, caring for the others. But then I went throuigh some old music (pretty much journal entries for me) and poetry and was re-inspired. This is the first chance Ive had since going through all that (I mean, with playoffs everything else is on the back burner... IM actually missing the game to write today haha- GO OILERS).

But, today is the kind of day that begs for notation.
It sucked the life out of me, stole some tears. Big ugly sobs actually.
but that forced me to breathe more. to show me where Ive fallen, how I hobble, and which muscles I really can flex.

Oh my little Nod. My first baby. Life is hard for her, as her brain zips and zaps. 0 to 150 in seconds. My No is poison to her lips. So I go silent, and her tears are stronger, so I speak, and they are stronger still. But then I remembered my parenting plan, helped her to calm, and My Love came home and listened to my sobbings.

And my littlest Sage. She had a rough go today too. Although my favorite part of today were her first words to me. "Mama, you look beautiful today." I didnt know she said that word. But it was the beautiful moment I clung to the rest of my day.

And my Boy. I let him skip one nap and the rest of the day he becomes a monster. Usually such a sweet baby, but today he screamed so hard he gagged and choked.

And my Love. Off from work, needing.

and all through this Im supposed to breath!!??

Well I had forgotten how. For me, I breathe in words, in chords, in diddies I make up while Im driving home.

so here I am, a[nother] painful beginning. Its always hard to start writing again, oh the writers cramp. and I need to chop these nails off. They are clacking the computer keys and they will get in the way if I try to chord. piano or guitar.

So here it is. Im going to go back to being me. to writing (i HOPE).

<3Love and peace to all <3