Our family

Our family

Monday, February 27, 2012

A little context before 'The Juice'

Friends! Family! Random Internet-sapiens :) Let me give you the not so juicey detailio's on my 'love' (?) life...
Just cause, well, I want to... and  blog post is much easier than sending individual emails to each person who asked :P

For those of you who didnt ask, Umm, I'll get a cool poem or something up soon to keep you entertained :P
Whoa, overloaded on emoticons yet? Just you wait... I'll see if I can hold em back...(*sticks tongue out at computer as to avoid another*)

I'm going to take y'all on a journey back to the beginning... not of all time, but of Divorce time...

I've only come close to dating a few guys thus far, and I think each of those instances have helped shape what is happening now, so I want to overview all of that for context.... (and really because I want you to all be oh so proud of me and the journey I have made... cause guys, I think I might have grown up ;)

Once upon a time, a longish time ago in the last couple years there was a guy I fell totally in love with, and I referred to him (on here) as Kingsley. Yes, that one. Its been a while since I've explicitly stated anything about him, but now I've moved on enough to share a little. He really set a bar for me. Getting to know him is still one of the highlights of my life. It was at a time in my life when I could have chosen to be depressed and low, but I decided to strive to become better instead, and I attribute this partially to him. He is mature, responsible, funny, respectful, sweet, talented, active, dedicated... so I wanted to be like him... and well, then it ended. It was a rough end for me, I had a lot invested and my heart hurt so bad... but during the year of our friendship I had come to know the Savior and have real faith in my Father's plan, so I held strong. The lasting impression from Kingsley is pertinent to my story because of the standards he set. For the next 7 months I refused to settle for anything less. I met plenty of interested guys, but knew immediately who would not live up to the new standards. I went on some first dates, but second dates were almost unheard of. I'm not trying to put down any of those awesome guys, but because of Kings I realised some essentials for making a marriage work, and knew not to settle for different. Eventually I realised it wasn't Kings I was trying to be like, it was the Savior, and Kings simply has many Christ-like qualities.

I didn't really get 'excited' about another guy until November (so, almost 6 months after my last date with Kings). This time was very good for me, healing. I got very interested in my school work, aimed for top grades, and built closer relationships with my family and my Savior. Then I went on a date with a guy I've referred to as H. My date with Guy H was so much fun! He is personable, charitable, understanding, sweet, funny, and fun. I found that he was another person I looked up to because of his Christ-like qualities. I only went on two dates with him (he lives far away), but those dates taught me that there was life after Kings. Haha. They taught me that it was okay to start dating again, and as I came to feel that I also began to feel a responsibility to date again. I felt like Nod needed me to work harder on myself and be ready for marriage. So, I buckled down and prepared even more for exams. I stopped 'hanging out' and wasting time, I prayed for focus.

At this point I believe some good friendships should be mentioned. I have had the opportunity to become wonderful friends with a few people who I consider my best friends. Over Christmas I spent time with best friends, and with family, and with Nod, and I found my focus. I decided to stop going to Institute, and stop playing around. I came to know that the Lord wants me to be Nod's mom, this is my eternal mission. I came to see that I am her mom whether she is sleeping or awake, and I need to expend every effort to be all I can be for her. I became more heavily involved in my church youth group, and I made decisions about schooling.  My family and friends were a huge help. They supported me as I pulled back from YSA, they went with me on temple trips, and service trips, and listened to my self-discoveries.

Then I got 'set up' on a sort of 'internet date' with a guy from BC somewhere near the end of December.  I was very excited at first because we really hit it off right away. However, it wasn't long before I felt uneasy. I knew I was supposed to move to south, not west, so it logically did not make sense to build up this relationship. I had the awesome opportunity to take these questions to the temple with me, and as I did service there I felt prompted in the steps to take. I took an evaluation of my life, and I saw plenty of areas that I felt needed work before I could have a steady relationship. I wanted to be proficient at my own life before adding another life into the mix. That 'thing' ended quickly. It was a bit of a rush, starting and ending very quickly, but I learned so much. Another thing I learned is that I truly was able to date again, I wasn't just pretending to be over Kings, but I actually had moved on from him... though he still was the torch and nobody could hold a candle to him ;)

So I went about in life, writing midterms, attending the temple, sorting blocks with Nod, writing poetry, going to youth activities with my young women... Until... Duh Duh Duh... I opened my eyes and saw what was right there, all along... Holy Cow- a single guy in my own ward? WHAT!?!

... To be continued... ;)

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