My thoughts on the "Drops of Awesome" post

First, if you haven't read it click here to get your tears on for today (seriously, I cried so much I have another headache)

I LOVE the drops of awesome idea! I NEEDED that post! here is a quick overview of my fave parts:

This Mom realises she needs to have more positive self thoughts, so every time she does something awesome she pretends she is putting a little drop of awesome in her "bucket". Of this experience she says:

"When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past...As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be...You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph...When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome...Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God."

Isn't that just amazing!!!!!????

Last night I got to experience my first parent-teenager battle... well, first time from the point of the parent. The girls are here, and while it has been a treat for me to have their help around the house and their smiling faces at lunch time, they immeditaley turn sour when their Dad is home. They have been taught to hate him, and last night I witnessed the results of that. 
"I hate it here! You can't make me like it you can only make me come! You are being selfish to force me to come!"
Boy did that fiery fourteen year old remind me of myself! I'm pretty sure I yelled those exact words. Dad calmed them down by sharing memories of their beautiful births and their tiny toes, yelling turned to tears- though I'm not sure if they were happy, sad, or confused.
Then we went upstairs and gave them some time.
I wrote a blog post/ poem that may never be posted (because if their mother found it somehow she would probably murder me...lol). Then I sat around and wondered how I ended up with such large shoes to fill. I'm only 25 for heavens sake, and I took on teenagers!!!???

Well, I began taking all the water out of my bucket, telling myself I couldn't do it. After all, I haven't read my scriptures as much lately, or prayed as sincerely as I used to. I have been stressed about school and haven't been the best mom to Nod. A few times I even broke down and said bad words in my mind when she was driving me bonkers. 

But... then I read this post... and started to think about my drops of awesome

Sunday night I spent 10pm-11pm outside Brosie's door soothing her poor heart and teaching her that what she was feeling was called 'sad' and 'tired' and that I love her, and that Jesus loves her and she can pray to him (even though I couldn't break my commitment that I wouldn't come into her room a 4th time). I sang a few songs, she said a prayer, and eventually she made it back to bed on her own. Triumph. Drop of Awesome. I am the stable but caring mom that I want to be.

Sunday night when the 14YO was mean to her sister and her Dad had to talk to her about it and did an awesome job I remembered to give him a hug after and tell him I love him and that he is my hero for being such a great Daddy. Drop of Awesome. I am the caring and compassionate wife I want to be. 

Monday I read my scriptures AND said a sincere prayer. I am the disciple of Christ I want to be 

Tuesday I met with two groups and almost finished two major projects. Bam. I am the motivated and diligent student I want to be.

Tuesday the girls and I had a laughing fit over something the 14YO said and enjoyed each others company over dinner. Drop of Awesome. I am the fun-loving, optimistic step-mom that I want to be.

Tuesday night I wrote a poem. It was fantastic. I was the poet who uses her talents, just like I want to be. 

And, when is all is said and done, I've only got 20 drops in my bucket, but the Atonement fills me to overflowing. 

as it also fills each of you 

XO
Wink

My gorgeous step-daughters :)

Our new family!!!!

First Comes Love

Justin and I's song.... finally! 

Bucket List-

1.) Take a drive on the Confederation bridge- longest in the world, joins PEI to NS... daaaang! (12 kms!)
(2-100) will be filled in at later date :D

Procrastination

Well, here I am again(she says with a giant chunk of chocolate in her mouth on a friday night alone with the computer), doing what I do when I dont want to write an essay.

Can you believe Im in the midst of my third year of this already? (possible answers to follow)

A.) No, I cant believe it... thought you'd have dropped out by now
B.) After three years you'd think you'd have learned how to get to work!
C.) If your work was due yesterday, how the heck are you still an 'A' student?
D.) All of the above

I guess I'm still waiting for heaven to throw an atomic bomb my way and fail me or something. I put things off, claim its for a higher purpose, laze around when nobody is watching, feel like a failure...

and then sometime, somehow, I get it done, I get the A, I impress the prof... how the...?

I always attested it to heavens blessings. I was a single mom, trying very hard. When I wasn't trying hard its cause I was burnt out- cause Id been up with a puking baby, cause I was sick of fighting for my divorce, cause I was depressed that everyone else could play but I had to be a responsible mommy. Yes, its true, happy ol me was also not-so-happy sometimes. I just sat around and avoided papers and studying etc etc

Now I find myself married. I feel like every excuse I had has been flushed down the toilet. All I can say is the truth. I simply dont want to do my homework. Yeah, this essay was interesting, but that is soooo two weeks ago. I want to kiss my husband, I want to clean my house, I want to make this ruffled tree skirt, I want to unpack the boxes in the girls room...

I DO NOT WANT to figure out how to explain the connection between justice, reciprocity, and friendship according to Aristotle.

BUT... I have this incredible husband who wants me to do my best and so he has gone downstairs to ride his (stationary) bike for hours on end. He left me with the computer, and without a facebook password. So I sat on pinterest for at least an hour. I also practiced some uke. I stuffed more of this giant chocolate bar down my throat. Then I decided to blog

Sometimes when I blog I can figure out why the heck Im avoiding and denying and going insane with essay worry. Today, its not coming to me. Maybe because its not crunch time yet. I have an extension till Tuesday, and I have all day tomorrow without Nod. So, I can finish writing tmrw, and then have Hubby edit when he is home from work, then re-do things Monday. Plenty.of.time. Right?

Or maybe I have an excuse?
Maybe two years of school was enough for me and now I need to quit and be Mom?
Maybe Im worried that my kid brother (okay he is an adult by age but not by intelligence) is currently hitchhiking from BC to Alberta in the freezing cold?
Maybe I miss my college and being at school with my Mom and friends and I just.cant.cope.with.change?
Or... maybe Im just looking to feel justified in sitting around while my essay spills onto the floor.

literally 

Yeah. I couldnt figure things out the other day so I printed off all the notes id taken for the essay, cut them up, and arranged them on the floor by topic. Then I went thru and picked up pieces I wanted to use, put them in order on my computer, and pasted the cut up sections back together how I wanted them-ish. It worked till I got sick of working again. I got through 5 categories but still have justice and reciprocity left. Aristotle went all math-y on me during his reciprocity talk, so maybe I have good reason to avoid that. I could probably do the justice part though.

Maybe I shall. I can't tell if Hubby is at the end of the movie or not (he is watching Oscar while he rides so he can memorize the lines... watch it). Probably the last ten minutes. So Ive wasted the whole night. Sick. Well, maybe I can get a few more of those essay pieces off my floor before he gets showered and ready for bed.

Here
goes
nothing...

October Pictures of Nod :)

 She LOVES to get into the kiwi

 Poppy and I LOVE when she falls asleep in the car!

Poppy loves to make silly faces with her... this is the 'jelly belly' face

 I dont know the name for this one

Bathtub mohawk

and this one is from the wedding in July <3

By Request...

Helloo bloggers! I have returned to my blog by the request of a good friend. That's right, it didn't take much to get me back here. I've given up facebook, and marriage has obviously led to a change in my social life, so I really needed somewhere to connect. with. people. I know, I know, the internet is one laaaame sort of connection. Its better (as Im learning from artistotle) to be in close proximity with friends, but that isn't a luxury I have right now. I've got my husband, my baby, and my sisters. I don't spend much time with other people because I'm very focused on school and homemaking- both worthy goals in my opinion. However, it has left a gap in me, and I shall attempt to fill it by blogging. 

Speaking of blogging, my last post was a song I wrote, you should check it out... please? hah

So, Life, where am I? What to share? Well, Im married! Its the coolest most intense and rewarding experience! It has its benefits and sacrifices, but it is incredbile to notice how it differs from my marriage to DW. I have realised that I had a pretty bad attitude back then, as a wife, and I feel kind of sorry for that. It has taught me, though, how to have a good attitude now. Marriage isn't easy guys, no rose coloured glasses here, it is a challenge, but I am totally up for that! Trying to parent lil Nod is probably our biggest challenge (besides trying to connect with the teenagers). We come from different backgrounds and have been parenting in different ways, so we spend a lot of time trying to find our common ground. I've learned to just sit back and let he and Brosie carry on, and then give suggestions later when she is tucked in for the night. I've learned that when something bothers me, I need to evaluate why it does, write in my journal a bit, think of my blessings, read the scriptures, pray for guidance, and then share my discoveries openly with my amazing husband. 

And let me tell you, he is AMAZING! I have never been more loved (by a mortal hah)! He is always willing to discuss things, to see my point of view, to hold me while I cry, to try new things. Its just so cool! I love it when we face a problem and he asks if we can say a prayer about it, or if I want a blessing! What a stark contrast to what I faced before! Having someone on the same spiritual level in a marriage is a great blessing that I will not take for granted. I also love that he understands where I come from, he has been married too, he has experienced similar experiences and has empathy. I also love all the silly things (that sometimes I also do not love. hah)... like the way he keeps the house so clean all the time, the way he can outbake or outcook me any day, the way he corrects my grammar (which means he can also edit a paper... hoorah). And, well, what is better than snuggling up at night with the love of my life, the most handsome man Ive ever seen? Nothing really. We are an incredible match, and we often converse about how we wish everyone else could have the same happiness. Honestly, we even wish it for DW, because it is life-changing. Heavenly Father loves us, and we know it by the opportunity he has given us to be together. Reading this you may think we are just flighty honey-mooners, but let me tell you its quite the opposite. We go through more difficult challenges on a weekly basis than your average new couple does in a month- we have kids! But we plan on always being as lovey as we are now- no fighting, no mean voices, talking over everything, being understanding and of course, kissing after every prayer. This man is my hero, let me tell ya. My hero.

Now that Ive rambled on for long enough about that... what else does life mean for me now? Well the same old- school school school. Im drowning in work right now and it probably wont let up until Dec 6th. Which is affected by Nod being sick today, and family obligations, and meals to prepare, and grocery shopping to do, and suprise visits from people I just cant turn away (SIL from Australia!!)... and of course by the fact that I decided to blog today instead of write my essay, so thats almost an hour I could have used haha... but Ive got about 1.5 hrs before class starts again, so Im back to it!

XO
Wink