I can't remember another time like this, but I'm sure that's simply because I have no talent for details. I cannot remember a time where everything in life was wonderful, yet I still held myself back from my full potential. Sometimes I do get bummed out when faced with difficulty, for instance when I was adjusting to life as a single Mom I would freak out sometimes, feel stretched too thin, and give up for a few days. Wondering what I mean by give up? I mean, look at the dishes, know I have time to do the dishes, and simply chose to turn on a movie instead. Now, I'm not talking about taking a break, I'm talking about a time when it's not like I *need* a break because I've been working hard, but when I tale a break from things I shouldnt take a breal from because... well I'm not sure exactly why... but I'll figure it out by the end of this post. Im pretty good at writing myself out of situations and feelings, so here goes...
My life is going splendidly. I am totally in love with my beautiful daughter and she is well behaved and smart, I have fabulous grades in all my classes, my house is fairly clean and put together, I am financially secure with even a bit of wiggle room, I am surrounded by loving friends and family and a beautiful ward family, the weather is great, and I am dating the most incredible man I have met! So why am I writing this post?
Well, let me tell you what's eating at me... school. I have amazing grades, I have never done so well in school before. The fall term went so well that I decided to take on an extra course. Now I've realised that fall only went so well because I had little to do in those courses, what I mean is, I had two papers and two exams that whole semester, and weekly poems... that's it! The extent of my workload. Now I have three papers (two of which are expected to be significantly longer than anything I've written thus far), many major assignments in my compsci class (fairly easy, but they take time away from my important classes and projects), four exams, weekly essays, and a major group essay (extra time consuming as I have to arrange my schedule to accommodate others). I know, all you students are thinking this is pretty typical, and on the light side... but not for me! I get extra stressed about every assignment because I have this addiction to A's. Seriously. I have straight A's and IM NOT GIVING THEM UP! Except, I am... because I have a major paper due Friday and Im so stressed about it that Im doing nothing! I ate some unhealthy food (just to make myself down) and tried to work but Nod was busy crying herself to sleep so I watched a movie cause I couldn't focus during her tears. Now what do I do? I dont want to open up that darn book. I dont want to feel more overwhelmed by opening it up.
Sometimes I wish I had a mother around my house, someone to tell me I have to do my homework... but I am the Mom here! Sheesh... If I'm old enough to be seriously dating someone, I've got to be responsible enough to do my freaking homework, right?
So why did I start this post the way I did? Because I still don't remember a time when everything was great and I still avoided the important stuff. Honestly, I should thrive during the good times right? hah... well I guess there has been a lot of change this semester, and adapting isn't ever easy... so here goes... Im going to take a deep breath, open up my word doc, and my book, think of something beautiful, and get to WORK!
LOVE YOU ALL (and an additional sprinkling of love and well wishes to my Bestie, Dee... and to Jare, cause Ive been terrible at writing... and to Peru who I wish I was closer to... and to my family for their awesome support, and to Nod for stealing Vin's keys the other night which resulted in awesomeness, and to Vin. Yup.*sigh* <3)
